Here We Go!

In about 24 hours from when I'm writing this I will be leaving the base to go to South Africa. After we arrive there I will have traveled to ever continent (excluding Antarctica) before the age of 19. Mind=blown.

These last few weeks have been a whirlwind of preparation for outreach while also having our regular schedule of lectures and evangelism. One week that was really thought provoking was Identity & Destiny. The leaders of my DTS were saying that our particular school has gotten more identity teaching than any other one they've witnessed because no matter the actual subject the speaker would inevitably focus on identity as well. This is actually quite a move of God throughout the church body of coming into our own as His children. I am convinced that if we would only fully grasp Who God is and who we are there is nothing that could stop us. 

The destiny bit was the part that caused me to move to action. Our speaker encouraged us to use every part of who we are and pull it together in order to get a big picture of what God has called us for. We were encouraged to write down at least 50 of our dreams, big or small, Christian or not, in no particular order. You can see mine as a page on the side bar of this blog under Dream Big! We were also encouraged to consider our past. What games did we enjoy as children? What were our dreams then? What have we struggled with? The last one might seem odd to you, but often times the enemy attacks areas that God wishes to use you powerfully in. We are also to take note of things like what our names mean and the results of personality and giftings tests.

And then the one that will take me the longest, to gather everything that has been spoken over us. Everything we can remember of any time someone prophesied over us or gave us a scripture, or God spoke directly to us about something. We are supposed to put everything in one place and go through and highlight reoccurring themes. This will take me a long time because my parents have been taking notes on this in multiple ways since before I was born, and once I became older I started keeping things but not in an organized way. I'm really looking forward to focusing on this once I get back to Colorado. 

Only a few more things: consider where your heart lies for ministry. It is also important to decide on specific values to focus on during your life. Then prayerfully take all of it to God and ask Him for a specific call or mandate for your life, to then make vision statements for. 

I'm not entirely sure if you will enjoy reading this on my blog, but it will help remind me when I'm stalking myself later. (overly honest? Is that a thing?) 

And now: randomness! Thanks to my brain.

*It's been hitting how when I am not at home it isn't just my life that changes. Everyone I am not with is also growing. I am missing a lot of major events of people who are really important to me, it's been really hard. I dislike being long distance to my loved ones. But I have to remind myself that Jesus is worthy. When I was talking to God about this dilemma He reminded me that even though all those people may not be here, He is here. This is where He has called me and this is where He is moving in my life. And there's no place I'd rather be than with Him.

*The production is coming together for outreach! Which is surprising how little time we've had to devote to it. We really have a great team. I'm in several group songs and dances and have the privilege of doing some more individual things. I will be performing a swing dance to Winter Wonderland with another girl here who I will teach to dance. (I"M SO EXCITED I HAVEN"T SWING DANCED IN SO LONG) And I have written a monologue telling the nativity story from Mary's perspective. While I am offstage talking into a microphone the rest of the cast will be miming what I am talking about, so that will be really cool. I'm sure we will find a way to video the whole thing, so hopefully you guys can see it eventually.

*Pray for us as we travel and minister. Pray against spiritual attack. Pray for safety as we are not even pretending that the area we are going into is safe. Pray for our leadership. Pray for South Africa. Pray for our individual growth and as a team. Thank you!

While in Africa I have no idea what my internet situation will be like. You may not hear from me again until late January. But I might randomly have internet and update, so stay tuned! 

A Bit of Sketching...

We are currently putting together a 2 hour Christmas production for South Africa. We have next to no time to do this, but if God is for us, who can be against us. Certainly not Time, right? 

So in the midst of planning and lectures I've begun sketching just a bit. It was actually prophesied over me that my drawings would be powerful, so that inspired me to get a sketch book and just start having fun with it. I don't claim to be amazing. They aren't done. But all disclaimers aside, I hope you enjoy these! 

I drew this based off of a picture I had while prophesying over someone while in Melbroune, and although I couldn't do what I saw justice, I still wanted to capture the concept.

This may or may not have happened purely because I'm wearing a Belle shirt.

My way of taking notes in class.

For those of you who just said, "That's a lot of stems." It's actually one of those reed things that you put flowers in. Don't let it distract you so much.

This one I'm still working on... but it is about child soldiers in Africa.

Steadfast Joy

"God I love how You have given me Joy as a second middle name and just declared that characteristic over my life, like a butterfly. And I love it God how You've created Tim to be Steadfast, like an anchor, and how he reflects that aspect of You so well."

"Karissa.."

"And I thank you God how You are even more my anchor and even more steadfast than he is.."

"Karissa...."

"Thank you Jesus for how You've brought us together and how we balance each other so well."

"Karissa!"

"Yes, Lord?"

"Just because Tim is steadfast does not give you an excuse to not reflect that part of My character as well."

BAM.

And that's how it happened. 

Basically I had been using my (amazing) relationship as an excuse to not grow because, "that's his strength. Isn't it great how we compliment each other?" Not that there isn't some truth to that, but it is not a good enough reason to not pursue becoming Christlike for myself.

I was challenged about how although I could be quite joyful it was not consistent. Frankly I'm only as Christlike as I am at my worst moments. Which meant I had to start over. Go back. Re-look at the fruit of the spirit found in Galatians. Was I ALWAYS demonstrating love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control? HECK NO. Yeah, that's a problem.

I totally was when everything went my way. Isn't everyone? But when things got hard, when I was spiritually attacked, when I was hungry and tired, I was NOT joyful or any of the other traits. 

God has specifically called me to live out Joy, so that's the one He focused on. He brought James 1:2-4 to my attention:

 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,

 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (emphasis mine)

I want to lack nothing! I actually really want to be perfect and complete too. So basically I need steadfastness to have it's full effect right? Which means that I have to go through trials. And not just go through them, but meet them with Joy. That's hard. But guess what? James 1:12 says "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him." 

So I got a henna to remind me. And because I love henna a lot. 

(sadly it is worn off now)

But man, God is so good. Right after learning all of this I got the opportunity to implement this truth in my life. I went through a trial, but the entire time this is what was going through my head. I could feel the Holy Spirit holding me through the whole thing. And that just made me in awe of how indescribably GOOD God is! And that made me joyful! And then I realized I was joyful, and that made me praise God more for His infinite goodness and I became MORE joyful! It's an incredible cycle.

Now I wake up literally every morning and think, "God, I get to be with You today!" And I get all excited! If I'm ever feeling a bit down I just have to remember that God is good, and I get my joy back all over again. What can I say? I'm in love. I just have to remember everything He's already done, how He is with me and cares about me in that moment and how He has amazing plans for my future and everything is worth it. It has to be Him working through me because otherwise I should be... well how I used to be. But I'm never going back. 

In fact in honor of that I got baptized today! Again. Yeah I know, weird. I was 6 years old when I was first baptized, and I had to take a class and fully understood what I was doing and everything, but I wanted to commemorate how I am a new person and the old Karissa is dead. Also, Jesus was baptized right before He entered into His ministry and I'm about to embark on my adult ministry as well, so it seemed fitting.

I'm doing incredibly well in life now that I'm filled with constant Joy and Love. I'm a crazy Christian that is always excited about what God is doing and talking about Him to random strangers. And that won't be changing anytime soon.

A New Kind of Love

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other command greater than these." -Jesus. (Mark 12:30-31)

This is the basis of true Christianity. After all, "God is love." (1 John 4:8)

Turns out I had not truly understood this like I thought I had. 

I've had this draft open for weeks. I'm not very good at posting regularly; I've never claimed to be. However it turned out to be a helpful thing in this case because after so many weeks of learning I actually have a much more complete view of this topic now. Thanks God!

Let's back track several weeks to me having a breakdown when being prayed for with no apparent reason. It was then that it became apparent that as much as I thought I trusted God, I actually didn't. It took every ounce of hopeful faith I had in that moment to get out a shaky "yes" when asked if God is good. What on earth?? This totally threw me off because I thought that I had truly grasped the concept of God being good all the time, and therefore trustworthy. After all, I had followed Him to Australia! I'd seen Him provide not only for my family time and time again over the years, but for me personally to get here! He's given me so many amazing things in my life and has made my dreams come true, where was this deep rooted fear coming from?

God is interesting. The way that He chooses to work in our lives is fascinating and unique to the individual. With that seemingly random breakdown God was showing me that there was doubt deep in my heart but then we had to backtrack in order to deal with it. Maybe I wouldn't have been as open to instruction if I had not recognized my own weakness and need before that, only God knows.

Turns out as much as I thought I understood God's love for me, I was partly rejecting it. I was refusing to love myself. It was sinful and especially prideful, not humble. For the record, I actually thought I already had this one, I thought I loved myself, but I didn't. I had convinced myself that I did just because I didn't rag on myself the way I've seen other teenage girls do, but that isn't the same thing. God would declare Truth over me, that I am beautiful, valuable, and important and I would reject it saying that I wasn't worthy. I would not believe God. I would literally tell God that He was wrong. I thought I knew myself better than God did. I thought it was too good to be true and I didn't deserve it. That hurt God's heart because He loves me so much exactly how He made me to be. It has been a process, but I can now say that I love myself, in all of who God has created me to be. There are definitely parts of me that I'm still growing in confidence with, but I no longer hate what I see in the mirror. In fact I love it. I'm unafraid to be who I am: deep, fangirl, smart, and beautiful. In fact, who I am is captivating. It is a reflection of the very character of God. It's God's love shining through me, and that's the most remarkable thing in the world.

So with that revelation I came into a greater love for God, and was excited, but didn't know exactly what to do with it. This, my friends, is the basis of evangelism. Evangelism is sharing the good news. You can't share good news if you don't believe it is good. I now KNEW that it is good, and so now I can be a channel of that love to other people. I have a river of living water flowing out of me. I can see other people with God's eyes and love them for the amazing person God created them to be. This means that I can never be annoyed by anyone without losing my focus. If I'm loving people the way He does, I will have patience and compassion. It means that I cannot feel rejected by people because my acceptance is found purely in Christ. It means that I'm willing to humble myself before people when I blow it. It means I'm a new person, and I'm so excited!! So now I evangelize all the time. It's just telling my story. It's just showing love. Love never fails. I cannot fail if I am acting purely out of love. Because even if they blow me off that love will still put a rock in their shoe to show them that there are people who care. 

The amount of people I randomly pray with has gone through the roof because my fear of people has disappeared. They are simply wounded people who need God's love, and I carry that love with me. While I was worshipping in a park with my team a couple of guys started talking to us and by the end of it they had accepted Jesus into their lives. It was amazing! I was so excited, because they were beginning to see how God loves them, but it is only the beginning my friends. It's not about "conversions." It's about transformed lives. 

Live from love. Not for it.

Traveling!

So I realize I haven't posted in forever. I apologize. There is a TON to catch up on, but I've been so incredibly busy that a draft of my hopefully next blog post has been open on my computer for a very long time. However I felt the need to write something short to ask for prayer! 

In 8 hours from now I will be loading into a van to drive to Canberra (Australia's equivalent of Washington D.C.) to site see and pray and stay at the YWAM base there. Then we will be driving several hours to Melbourne for Celebrate Victoria, where we, along with several other DTS's (including my dear friend Christy!! See her blog here The Happy Traveler) to hear Todd White speak on evangelism for a week! Then we will take a week to get back to Sydney evangelizing all the way! During this time I am not expecting to have internet, but please be praying a lot for us! Thank you so much for your continual support! I love you all!

Only Priority or A Bit of a Long Story About Jewelry Among Other Things

This is the story of the last month of my life. Obviously other major things have been also happening, but this is the overarching theme of what God has been teaching me so I shall attempt to tell it as one story. Which more or less begins with this anklet. 

Yes. The charm did come from one of those cheap coordinating sets for him and her from Claire's. No shame. But Tim made the other part combining his and my favorite colors. Ever since I was young I had always thought it was such a cute idea, so when Tim said he thought it would be cool I bought them. We obviously got infinity ones as a reference to The Fault In Our Stars. I didn't realize at the time how much it represented what I had created in my mind to be my dream and ideal relationship.

In a way it all started September 10th when God brought a lot of healing to my heart about my identity. It was a turning point for me even though before that God had already been telling me that I am beautiful, treasured and worthy, He started pursuing me on a different level. But then it happened: God told me to take off the anklet. 

Now I have always desired to have an intimate relationship with God to where I will do whatever He asks me to do, big (like coming to Australia) or small (like stop watching a show I really loved). Honestly I don't mind looking crazy for Jesus. It isn't about what other people think about me, it is about what He thinks about me. 

All this time I had been striving to retain God as my first priority above myself, Tim, or anyone or thing else, so I took it off. Later I asked God why I needed to not wear it and, I kid you not, His response was, "I'm just jealous okay??" To which I laughed. Then I said, "Wait, seriously?" And He was like, "Yes! You don't have anything of Mine that you wear all the time." So I asked, "If I wore something of yours too could I wear them both?" The reluctant response came, "...yes." So I went through my jewelry and God pointed this necklace out to me. 

This was given to me as a graduation gift by some wonderful family friends and is definitely the most expensive piece of jewelry that I own. My immediate reaction was, "God I can't wear that all the time! It is far too valuable!" To which He simply said, "That's the point." Sigh. He went on to say, "You need to believe that you are valuable."

So I stopped fighting it and began to wear both the cheap anklet and the costly necklace. It was nice. When I started to forget my worth, or God's unconditionally good love for me, I would grab onto my necklace and be reminded of what He says about me. But then God told me to take off the anklet again.

"Seriously God? I thought we already did this. I'm wearing the necklace! Closed case." Then I saw a picture of me in a grassy area throwing the anklet then turning and leaving it. That was weird. First of all, that is so not something I would do. Plus, God doesn't often show me pictures for myself since I am an auditory learner. I decided to just take it off and put it in my pencil bag telling God that if He reminded me about it after dinner that I would pray about it more.

Turns out I did remember after dinner. Then I had a dilemma. I wanted to follow God's direction whatever that meant, however trivial or difficult. But I didn't want to get rid of it unnecessarily if it wasn't really God speaking. I struggled with it for a long time until finally I shut up long enough to hear what God had to say about it, which went something like this: The fact that you are struggling with this proves that you need to just do it. My love is the only love that is infinite. I don't want to be your first priority, I want to be your only priority. I am the only person you should focus on during this season. I realize that this anklet, which you claim isn't a big deal, represents your dreams. Yes, I gave you those dreams and I'm going to make them come true, but they need to have My perspective and timing.

It was 9 pm, but I went out back to a grassy place and chucked the anklet and haven't looked back. But this tale of making God my only priority and seeing myself the way He sees me is not over. However my free time is. Tune in next time!

Three Very Different Dances

Las Friday night we had a youth event and we performed all 3 of the songs we've learned so far.

The first one is hip hop. Before that day, I had never even attempted to dance hip hop, then I spent 6 hours learning a dance and performed it that evening. I'm so tired and sore now. I find this video extremely hilarious because everyone seems to be really chill and controlled and I'm all over the place with my arms flailing... but you know what? I had fun. So that's what matters. The Kingdom Skank

Then we changed the pace a bit and performed a Maori dance of worship. No we are not cussing, which is why we also provided a translation for you. And yes we are supposed to shake our hands continually. It was a privilege to be able to be able to present this culture's form of worship. The women tattoo their chins, so we used eyeliner to replicate the look. I haven't been able to upload the video, so if I ever am able to I will attach a link here.

And lastly is a song we wrote and choreographed ourselves. I really enjoyed playing percussion for it. It is called the Armor of God because all we had was an inspirational vision of a sword with one side as prayer, the other blade as worship and held together by God's Word. We then brainstormed and ended up just jamming and coming up with this idea over a weekend. We began by praying in all the languages represented by our group (yes I prayed in Spanish) then Annika, because we all love her beautiful German accented voice, read aloud Ephesians 6:10-18 and was slowly accompanied by the lovely voices of those in the group. Eventually it became a song and dance. It is rather short, so we will be adding more before we use it. Again, as soon as I can upload the video I will attach a link here.

We will probably use some version of each of these on outreach in South Africa. Let's just say I'm glad we have a long time to prepare them before that... I hope you enjoyed them!

Hitting the Ground Running

As much as I would love to use detail to catch up every single thing that has happened so far since I have arrived, that is simply not within my mental capabilities. This is of course, entirely my fault, I recognize, as this would not have been difficult had I blogged from the beginning, but alas, what is past is past. Here are some major things you should know.

There are currently 2 DTS' on base along with staff for a total of about 70 people. There is an Urban Compassion DTS (Discipleship Training School) with 7 girls in it which is running at the same time as my Performing Arts DTS with 12 girls. Our two schools are in the same classes with similar schedules everyday of the week except for Fridays when we do things related to our focus and Wednesdays we split up for evangelism (see previous post for a link to a youtube video). But when outreach time comes in December Urban Compassion will be ministering to India and Thailand while Performing Arts (including myself) will be flying off to South Africa.

So yes: it is all girls. Nineteen of them to be precise. There are 10 girls bunking in my room, with the rest next door. My room is considered the "party room." Meaning that while the other room always has the light go out on time (10 pm, 11 pm on weekends) and is quiet and considerate of other people's sleep, my room isn't. Our light is NEVER out on time, and it is loud for quite a long time after it is finally dark. However I love my room. We have such a great mixture of people. I am on the top bunk right by the door, which is perfect for me. My bunk buddy Katelyn is perfect for me. We get along really well and have gotten close. We are the only girls in our room (and possibly in the whole school) who have boyfriends and are fangirls (as far as I can tell). It honestly took me a while to get used to the amount of estrogen around and about me consistently, but I've come to love it and am grateful for all these sisters in Christ God has placed in my life. I've gotten to have deep conversations with several people which has been grand. I now have a couple prayer partners who I love dearly. 

I've settled into life here, waking up at 6 am most days (since I have breakfast duty), doing chores, sitting in class, skyping people back home (and in Jamaica <3), spending hours of quality time with God and doing homework the day before it is due like always. I'm learning so much through the classes and through life here. People are pouring so much into my life and I've been able to give out a ton as well. The best part has definitely been everything God has been speaking to me about, but that is definitely too much for this blog post. 

Evangelism

So I'm currently working on a blog post that will bring this more up to date... but in the mean time enjoy this short video of our latest time as the Performing Arts DTS evangelizing in the community! Live for Joy!

Faith's Flight

This is the tale of a girl named Faith. I had the pleasure of encountering this lovely lass on my 12 hour flight from the dreaded LAX to Auckland, New Zealand. For the record, I am not one of those people who feels it is my Christian duty to evangelize everyone within a 3 seat radius of me on a plane, but this was a divine appointment, and I do like to keep my eyes open for those. She was seated next to me, so we promptly ignored each other for the first couple of hours, each watching our own chick flick on our own private screen like the 21st century young people that we are. But guys, there were free movies and everything for the entire flight; it was really exciting for my life. On the next flight I watched The Fault In Our Stars... again.

Anyways, eventually the flight attendants began serving dinner, so we paused our movies. At this point in my journey I was keenly aware of the fact that I was going on this trip for God and wanted to make myself available to be used by Him even before arriving at my destination, so I began a casual conversation by asking if Auckland was her final destination. This opened the door far wider than I ever could have imagined. She is in her early twenties and we hit it off really easily and, honestly, during the few hours that we talked only about 10 minutes was superficial conversation. We talked about the preconception in America of needing to attend college directly after high school and how limiting that can be for young people. We talked of the importance of experiencing many different cultures and how one can learn from each. Then we talked about relationships, which obviously led to me talking about my beloved Timothy (see what he's up to here: swingprayer.blogspot.com) and how while I'm in Australia he is doing a similar program in Jamaica. Which prompted the obvious question of, "how did you two meet?" And that is how it all began. (This is not the first time someone asking that question has begun a life changing conversation, just ask my good friend Andrew the Direct.)

Side note, one of my favorite things about my relationship with Tim is how talking about him so easily leads to talking about God, and vice versa. I am convinced this is the way things should be. But back to Faith.

The answer to that question is, "worship night." Now until this point I had attempted to more or less leave God out of the conversation in order to not be that annoying person who cannot have a conversation without talking about the love of their life. However, I'm really bad at that. This was clearly an open door, so I waltzed right through it. She asked if I was religious and I said that I honestly considered it to be more of a relationship. 

Then, while being clearly guided by the Holy Spirit, I proceeded to detail all the exciting things God has been doing in my life right before my departure. Including Andrew's testimony about his radical come to Jesus thanks to asking that exact question while swing dancing. She was fascinated by my living relationship with Jesus and all the amazing things He has done in my life and the lives of those around me. It is so true that us simply sharing our stories of how God has shown up in our lives is the most powerful thing we can tell anyone. From what I could tell she had never before met someone who was genuinely in love with Jesus, which really saddens me that there are so many people in the world who have yet to encounter Jesus or someone who can reflect Him well. But I was glad that I had been able to be that for her on that flight. 

I had the privilege to pray blessing over her and gave her a LOT to think about. At one point she asked me if I thought she was going to hell. "Well, yes." I had no choice but to reply, "I wish that wasn't true, because I really like you a lot as a person. But you deserve to hear the truth, and the truth is not always convenient. The thing is that in the Bible it says that when Jesus denies people entrance to heaven He says, 'Away from Me, I never knew you." The point is that Jesus wants to KNOW us, and for us to know Him. He wants a relationship. At this point, He has done everything to extend an invitation to you, and you have been rejecting Him. Why would He want to spend all of eternity with someone who not only didn't want to get to know Him and spend time with Him, but rejected Him straight up? That is what it would be like if God let you into heaven because you 'were a good person.' But right now the invitation is still available. He loves you and is in a relentless pursuit of a relationship with you. What is your response going to be?" 

Now it would be super awesome if I could tell you that then and there over the Pacific ocean she chose to enter into relationship with Jesus, but that isn't the truth. And sometimes the truth isn't convenient, even for me. But I made a friend that night when I felt entirely alone in the universe, and I am so grateful. It was a beautiful start to my adventure for God to use me so much to reach out and show His love before I even arrived down under. We exchanged emails so we can stay in contact, and I've been praying for her. She heard a lot of new information, and it was a lot to process. But I have faith in Faith, that she'll get to experience for herself how amazing it is to be in the most fulfilling relationship ever. Please keep her in your prayers. As well as me obviously. I'll take all the prayer I can get.

Here we go!

“I’m going on an adventure!” -Bilbo, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey 

This is an attempt to document the adventure I’m going on with God. The beginning of a journey that I’m sure will take me to unexpected places. This is exciting. This is terrifying. But then I remember who my Travel Companion is, and I’m not afraid anymore. I feel alone, but then am reminded that I am anything but. “The safest place is in the center of God’s will.” And that is where I am right now. God is always with you, but even more so when you are following Him in faith. 

I am currently beginning to write this while on layover in the Auckland, New Zealand airport. I’ve flown 2 out of 3 flights, and cried on each one so far. My goal emotionally is to do this in a healthy manner. To realize that it is acceptable to be upset at leaving the only life I have ever known for something entirely unfamiliar. That it is good that I have close relationships that I will miss being in the same timezone with. It is okay. But I also am excited! And it is normal to have mixed emotions. I’m excited because I’m going to Australia; how awesome is that? I’m going to be doing a program that incorporates many of my passions: God, performing arts, school, people, missions, new experiences and opportunities, which is exactly what I want. 

God is being very gracious to me in things going smoothly and giving me divine appointments. Granted, I now know that I hate LAX. That airport makes no sense to me. But I have been able to sense God’s presence with me, being my anchor. And I have already gotten to minister to someone! That deserves it’s own blog post I think… 

[originally written September 4th, 2014, but then I got busy and didn't create the blog until now]