Only Priority or A Bit of a Long Story About Jewelry Among Other Things

This is the story of the last month of my life. Obviously other major things have been also happening, but this is the overarching theme of what God has been teaching me so I shall attempt to tell it as one story. Which more or less begins with this anklet. 

Yes. The charm did come from one of those cheap coordinating sets for him and her from Claire's. No shame. But Tim made the other part combining his and my favorite colors. Ever since I was young I had always thought it was such a cute idea, so when Tim said he thought it would be cool I bought them. We obviously got infinity ones as a reference to The Fault In Our Stars. I didn't realize at the time how much it represented what I had created in my mind to be my dream and ideal relationship.

In a way it all started September 10th when God brought a lot of healing to my heart about my identity. It was a turning point for me even though before that God had already been telling me that I am beautiful, treasured and worthy, He started pursuing me on a different level. But then it happened: God told me to take off the anklet. 

Now I have always desired to have an intimate relationship with God to where I will do whatever He asks me to do, big (like coming to Australia) or small (like stop watching a show I really loved). Honestly I don't mind looking crazy for Jesus. It isn't about what other people think about me, it is about what He thinks about me. 

All this time I had been striving to retain God as my first priority above myself, Tim, or anyone or thing else, so I took it off. Later I asked God why I needed to not wear it and, I kid you not, His response was, "I'm just jealous okay??" To which I laughed. Then I said, "Wait, seriously?" And He was like, "Yes! You don't have anything of Mine that you wear all the time." So I asked, "If I wore something of yours too could I wear them both?" The reluctant response came, "...yes." So I went through my jewelry and God pointed this necklace out to me. 

This was given to me as a graduation gift by some wonderful family friends and is definitely the most expensive piece of jewelry that I own. My immediate reaction was, "God I can't wear that all the time! It is far too valuable!" To which He simply said, "That's the point." Sigh. He went on to say, "You need to believe that you are valuable."

So I stopped fighting it and began to wear both the cheap anklet and the costly necklace. It was nice. When I started to forget my worth, or God's unconditionally good love for me, I would grab onto my necklace and be reminded of what He says about me. But then God told me to take off the anklet again.

"Seriously God? I thought we already did this. I'm wearing the necklace! Closed case." Then I saw a picture of me in a grassy area throwing the anklet then turning and leaving it. That was weird. First of all, that is so not something I would do. Plus, God doesn't often show me pictures for myself since I am an auditory learner. I decided to just take it off and put it in my pencil bag telling God that if He reminded me about it after dinner that I would pray about it more.

Turns out I did remember after dinner. Then I had a dilemma. I wanted to follow God's direction whatever that meant, however trivial or difficult. But I didn't want to get rid of it unnecessarily if it wasn't really God speaking. I struggled with it for a long time until finally I shut up long enough to hear what God had to say about it, which went something like this: The fact that you are struggling with this proves that you need to just do it. My love is the only love that is infinite. I don't want to be your first priority, I want to be your only priority. I am the only person you should focus on during this season. I realize that this anklet, which you claim isn't a big deal, represents your dreams. Yes, I gave you those dreams and I'm going to make them come true, but they need to have My perspective and timing.

It was 9 pm, but I went out back to a grassy place and chucked the anklet and haven't looked back. But this tale of making God my only priority and seeing myself the way He sees me is not over. However my free time is. Tune in next time!